i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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