Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
