Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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