they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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