if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
