its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
