I wish my penis had an off switch
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
