i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
