my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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