You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize