2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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