WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
