He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize