So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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