fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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