What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
