Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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