good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize