Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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