If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
