i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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