cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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