Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
