I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
