He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My penis needs a shock collar
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
