How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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