I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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