thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
