even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
