If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
