This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
