ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
