dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
