last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
