I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
