I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
