is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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