i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
