Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
