What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
