my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Pooping to opera.
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