Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
