I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
