3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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