I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
