evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
