I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
