I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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