tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
