He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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