i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
