What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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