running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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