He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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