If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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