PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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