sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
