Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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