omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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