Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
