This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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