He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
