I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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