i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
