i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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