I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize