You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
